Room-sharing rascals!

Is your wee one room sharing with you?

It is so taboo because of the tabloids to use the term co-sleeping as they all seem to take that to mean dangerous bed sharing.

Bed sharing is not in itself dangerous. Infant mammals need to feed often and historically would always be kept close to hand by their mothers, nursed often and when wanted.

The first three months of a baby's life is described by some as the 'fourth trimester' and I couldn't agree more with that description. They arrive into this world with a brain just 25% of it's final size, so many complexities to yet develop - it is all a minor miracle. So to just deliver a baby and place it on it's own in it's own room is just a huge wrench and a light years away from the warm cozy world inside mom's tum - where there is constant warmth, touch, food and sound.

My little ones are room sharing rascals - I did this with my son for the first 5 months, then he went to his own room, just yards from us. My daughter is now ten weeks old and is still rooming with us. Most nights I hold her, but some nights recently she has let me put her in the bassinet next to me.

I don't begrudge holding her, but I do sleep a lot more deeply when she is next to the bed in the bassinet. I know that her little neurons are developing a secure attachment and she knows mommy will be there for her. I like that by hearing her stir I can rouse, feed her and put her back to bed, or keep holding her and neither of us have to get fully awake!

There are only a few things that make bed sharing unsafe and they include being in-toxicated, even a couple of drinks could make you unaware of your movements, or the location of your baby. Smokers are advised not to bed share. Be aware of loose bed covers, pillows etc. If you can have a seperate baby sleeper/ bassinet by the bed that is best. Basically so that you are sharing the room, but not the sleeping surface.

A friend put the thought in my head that because we are stopping at 2 kids - this will be my last time for room sharing with my little rascal, so the question is - will I be ready to give it up when she hits 5 months old...? Ask me again in 2 months time!

My choice to co-sleep

For me it was easy to make the decision to co-sleep with my son for the first four months, firstly because I wanted to, but also because all the reasons ‘for’ appealed to me.

I can totally understand why caution is advised and that this has to be a considered and personal choice. For example if you are on any medications that make you drowsy, if you are a restless or fidgety sleeper, any use of drugs or alcohol can also make co-sleeping inadvisable. (Where I say you I also mean your partner if you intend to make it a ‘family’ bed)

Also there are concerns about some of the ‘safety items’ to aid co sleeping. Basically if there is anyway a baby could get trapped by the cushions or buffers that surround them – they should not be used.

Initially I had my son in a bassinet by the side of the bed which any similar arrangement offers the best of both worlds – the closeness, but also the safety of separate sleeping spaces. Saying that when my son’s appetite picked up and was nearly constantly feeding he slept on the bed with me, by which time I was confident in my abilities to share safely.

When he was nearly five months we moved him to his own crib in the nursery and using his bedtime routine we helped to bridge the change as best we could. He took to it fine... it took me over a week to get used to the adjustment as whenever I wanted to be sure he was ok before I would just crack open an eye lid, or even just listen to him breathing. Whereas now the slightest imaginary sound in the house had me up at lightening speed and into his room to be sure he was ok!

Now he is sleeping through and mostly so am I – we have reached a healthy and happy status quo. He has had the close contact here in the ‘outside world’ that he enjoyed whilst growing inside me, but as his needs have changed, so should his sleeping environment. My concern was that if I left it too much longer when developmentally he goes through separation anxiety it would be even harder to make the transition.

Whilst I am in the minority having made this decision, I do think there are those who go against there own wish to co-sleep due to safety fears and worries about how people might perceive this. It is rare amongst mammals to have this desire/ action to separate ourselves from our newborn when we sleep. I hope if by reading this maybe at least one mother who wishes to try it is encouraged to do so, or one closed minded person reconsiders their opinion, as some of my best early memories with my baby are snuggled up in bed, or waking up and looking over and seeing his beautiful, angelic sleeping face!